Well, I started my second semester yesterday and have attended one session each of the six classes I am taking. I think they will all go well. So, it looks like it will be a good semester.
Still working on getting my step-son into after-care, that will ease up our schedules significantly and be so good for him as well. He will get more routine that he craves so much and get a far higher level of activity and interaction than we can provide for him at home.
My step-daughter has decided she likes karate enough after the four trial classes that she would like to continue. Still a little worried about how hard I am gonna get hit in the wallet for that one. She does need the activity as much as anyone though, she "bored" far too often.
The wife appears to be doing ok right now, though it is pretty hard to judge accurately most of the time. She is still exhausted too much of the time, the doc is holding back on giving her a stimulant though, he's not sure how it will interact with the other meds and wants to try and get those worked out first I guess. She is a trooper though and is pushing hard most days to keep on movin'.
-Joe
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Work Study approved :)
While attending classes, I am allowed by the school to get up to 20 hours of work, at the school, for minimum wage. Depending on where I work, some of it may be credited towards my degree. There are two kinds of work, the first is an Aide which is essentially just a part-time job, the second is work-study where Financial Aid pays the department I work in up to a specified number of hours (no more than 10 in my case).
I already have an Aide position at the IT Help Desk for 16 hours a week (which may change depending on another Aides schedule that they are still waiting on) but needed to fill up that last 4 hours. So, I took my work-study paperwork to the Conservation department and asked if there were 4 hours available doing anything anywhere. Well, Horticulture is part of the Conservation department. So, I am going to get two hours on two days first thing in the morning in the greenhouse! That totally rocks for me! Seeing as it will be from 7am to 9am, I will likely be the only one there for at least part of the time. I can't wait to get started, even if I am only sweeping up the place, it will be awesome to work in a greenhouse!
-Joe
I already have an Aide position at the IT Help Desk for 16 hours a week (which may change depending on another Aides schedule that they are still waiting on) but needed to fill up that last 4 hours. So, I took my work-study paperwork to the Conservation department and asked if there were 4 hours available doing anything anywhere. Well, Horticulture is part of the Conservation department. So, I am going to get two hours on two days first thing in the morning in the greenhouse! That totally rocks for me! Seeing as it will be from 7am to 9am, I will likely be the only one there for at least part of the time. I can't wait to get started, even if I am only sweeping up the place, it will be awesome to work in a greenhouse!
-Joe
Thursday, January 13, 2011
More than you can handle...
It has been said by Christians, "God won't give you more than you can handle." It has been said by non-believers, "you will manage to get by with what you have got." What happens when a wrench gets thrown in to the mix? For example, a child with Autism. His biological mother can not handle him alone; he knows it and takes advantage of it. His biological father does not want him, too many other more important things to deal with. I admit I get frustrated by him, but I understand him and know that his needs are not able to be voiced by him, but there none-the-less.
I was speaking with my wife, who has problems of her own to deal with mentally, about how others can view my step-son and almost instantly realize he needs assistance but see her and not be able to understand that she also needs assistance. She can function normally quite a bit of the time. My step-son can not function normally, he can not choose to "be ok." He can't just decide that today will be a better day in school, or if he can, he has no way to let us know he has made that decision. When it is not a better day in school, he can not tell us what went wrong.
Forty-five days ago, my wife said she wants more stuff in the living room for my step-daughter to play with. So, I rearranged and attempted to make an orderly play space. Yesterday she said there is just way too much stuff in here, we need to clean up. Tonight when they got home from karate, my step-daughter asked if she could have a snack and if it could be ice cream. I asked my wife if that was ok with her and was told yes. I said I would get it in a minute because I was playing a game on the computer and wanted to finish the level. I know it was just a game, but I only needed a little more time. Thirty seconds later, my step-daughter asked again and I again said, in just a minute. Thirty more seconds later she went to my wife and whispered the request to her, so she asked me why I was not getting it yet. I felt my blood start to boil and shouted that I only asked for another minute. My wife will give her what she asks for when she asks for it almost every time and believes I should too because she is only five and wants her to have a better childhood. If I disagree, then I am totally against her and if I try to offer an alternative then I am just trying to make her angry or trying to instigate an argument.
My wife was getting ready to go out and visit a friend, she did not want to go, but felt it was an obligation and told me she felt guilty about going. I told her it was fine and she should go because she would feel guilty either way and she did not get to see this friend very often. My step-daughter got her ice cream snack and after my wife was gone and my step-son was in bed, I built a blanket tent in the living room for her to color in. I gave her a big flashlight and she was happy as a clam. "I love you Joe," she says to me. So, even tho I shouted just a little while earlier, she was able to forget it and be happy. My wife thinks that the shouting will damage her for the rest of her life.
I love them all dearly and would not trade them in for anyone else. I do right by them and they do right by me, but I can not seem to give any of them enough to make them happy all the time or even a lot of the time.
I can not understand any of it, about any of them. I don't know if this post is about my family, or myself.
-Joe
I was speaking with my wife, who has problems of her own to deal with mentally, about how others can view my step-son and almost instantly realize he needs assistance but see her and not be able to understand that she also needs assistance. She can function normally quite a bit of the time. My step-son can not function normally, he can not choose to "be ok." He can't just decide that today will be a better day in school, or if he can, he has no way to let us know he has made that decision. When it is not a better day in school, he can not tell us what went wrong.
Forty-five days ago, my wife said she wants more stuff in the living room for my step-daughter to play with. So, I rearranged and attempted to make an orderly play space. Yesterday she said there is just way too much stuff in here, we need to clean up. Tonight when they got home from karate, my step-daughter asked if she could have a snack and if it could be ice cream. I asked my wife if that was ok with her and was told yes. I said I would get it in a minute because I was playing a game on the computer and wanted to finish the level. I know it was just a game, but I only needed a little more time. Thirty seconds later, my step-daughter asked again and I again said, in just a minute. Thirty more seconds later she went to my wife and whispered the request to her, so she asked me why I was not getting it yet. I felt my blood start to boil and shouted that I only asked for another minute. My wife will give her what she asks for when she asks for it almost every time and believes I should too because she is only five and wants her to have a better childhood. If I disagree, then I am totally against her and if I try to offer an alternative then I am just trying to make her angry or trying to instigate an argument.
My wife was getting ready to go out and visit a friend, she did not want to go, but felt it was an obligation and told me she felt guilty about going. I told her it was fine and she should go because she would feel guilty either way and she did not get to see this friend very often. My step-daughter got her ice cream snack and after my wife was gone and my step-son was in bed, I built a blanket tent in the living room for her to color in. I gave her a big flashlight and she was happy as a clam. "I love you Joe," she says to me. So, even tho I shouted just a little while earlier, she was able to forget it and be happy. My wife thinks that the shouting will damage her for the rest of her life.
I love them all dearly and would not trade them in for anyone else. I do right by them and they do right by me, but I can not seem to give any of them enough to make them happy all the time or even a lot of the time.
I can not understand any of it, about any of them. I don't know if this post is about my family, or myself.
-Joe
Days go by...
We were on the way home from our initial setup meeting for Emma's new Karate class when Emma says "What's for dinner?" I reply, "Fish sticks and tots." She immediately said, "I don't like fish sticks."
That is very common no matter what my response is. I guess at 5 years old, I can not expect much different from her. We set up to have her first real class the next night and she says, "Can we go out to eat tomorrow night?" I replied, "Nope, we will eat at home like we usually do." Then Laura asked me why she couldn't say maybe. In most cases, at least when speaking with Emma, "maybe" means "yes." I responded with, "We're broke." I got accused of being mean for saying no and snapping for saying we're broke. We just spent $30 to sign her up for a trial of Karate.
I know I have to work on my tone when I speak, but it still gets frustrating. Emma is very excited about Karate though and I hope she is still excited after the trial. I think it will be great for her.
-Joe
That is very common no matter what my response is. I guess at 5 years old, I can not expect much different from her. We set up to have her first real class the next night and she says, "Can we go out to eat tomorrow night?" I replied, "Nope, we will eat at home like we usually do." Then Laura asked me why she couldn't say maybe. In most cases, at least when speaking with Emma, "maybe" means "yes." I responded with, "We're broke." I got accused of being mean for saying no and snapping for saying we're broke. We just spent $30 to sign her up for a trial of Karate.
I know I have to work on my tone when I speak, but it still gets frustrating. Emma is very excited about Karate though and I hope she is still excited after the trial. I think it will be great for her.
-Joe
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
What do I get out of it?
A sense of accomplishment? The title of "martyr?" I think I could get those in easier ways without much difficulty. I get what I have and what I enjoy most of the time, a home and a family; a wife and children.
Of course there are frustrations and even times of anger, but I see it all as a normal part of existing. There are things that would make life easier, but there are things that would make it harder too.
In general, I am happy. There may be people who could argue that I could be happier, but as noted above, I could be less happy too. I am not one to run away from difficulty and that difficulty may be viewed in varying degrees of harshness. As noted in earlier posts, I do not see much of what I do as difficult. With all that said, the first line of this paragraph can only be reiterated.
-Joe
Of course there are frustrations and even times of anger, but I see it all as a normal part of existing. There are things that would make life easier, but there are things that would make it harder too.
In general, I am happy. There may be people who could argue that I could be happier, but as noted above, I could be less happy too. I am not one to run away from difficulty and that difficulty may be viewed in varying degrees of harshness. As noted in earlier posts, I do not see much of what I do as difficult. With all that said, the first line of this paragraph can only be reiterated.
-Joe
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
if all were me...
I am pretty sure most people have thought it at one time or another and that many people have thought it many times. If everyone in the world were like me then all the "problems" would be solved. I am highly doubtful that there are many people out there saying, "Naw, I am certainly not the one to clone, I am just too screwed up."
I guess that is similar to people thinking that their religion is the "best" one. We all know about religious wars and the trouble caused by people thinking their religion is tops. People do get physical on an individual basis regularly too, over small differences in opinion. So, people exercise their belief that "if everyone were like me, there wouldn't be any problems.
I don't think that the whole world has to be me to solve any problems. I think the whole world should do more thinking about others instead of always having a "me first" or "only me" mentality. I am petty sure that many problems would likely be solved if, in nearly every situation, individuals thought about how their action will affect others. Not as much about how they would feel or what their state of mind would be but instead, how they could act if you do something different.
Parking a car, for example: You could just park your car and go, but if instead you took an extra 1.5 seconds to move up 6 inches so another vehicle could park behind you or when you park behind someone, making sure there is enough space for them to easily get out. 'Tis is a simple thing.
It is all simple things... :)
-Joe
I guess that is similar to people thinking that their religion is the "best" one. We all know about religious wars and the trouble caused by people thinking their religion is tops. People do get physical on an individual basis regularly too, over small differences in opinion. So, people exercise their belief that "if everyone were like me, there wouldn't be any problems.
I don't think that the whole world has to be me to solve any problems. I think the whole world should do more thinking about others instead of always having a "me first" or "only me" mentality. I am petty sure that many problems would likely be solved if, in nearly every situation, individuals thought about how their action will affect others. Not as much about how they would feel or what their state of mind would be but instead, how they could act if you do something different.
Parking a car, for example: You could just park your car and go, but if instead you took an extra 1.5 seconds to move up 6 inches so another vehicle could park behind you or when you park behind someone, making sure there is enough space for them to easily get out. 'Tis is a simple thing.
It is all simple things... :)
-Joe
Monday, January 10, 2011
weariness
how do you not get tired? I went to Wegmans today to do our weekly grocery shopping. We were pretty low on food stuffs and I was waiting for the Food Stamps to kick in. The last letter I received from Social Services was that our re-cert had been approved and our money would be available on th e9th of the month. I am always a little embarrassed to use the FS in the first lace because I do not appear as if I need them. So, I was even more embarrassed when I go to use the card and it is empty... It was just an error on their part which I was told would be remedied in less than 24 hours, but that does not lessen the embarrassment I felt.
I did get to talk to mom for a while today and that always helps me feel a little better. Turns out both my brothers in a worse spot than I am tho and that does not feel good at all.
With everything else going on, how does one not get tired?
I did get to talk to mom for a while today and that always helps me feel a little better. Turns out both my brothers in a worse spot than I am tho and that does not feel good at all.
With everything else going on, how does one not get tired?
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Mental Illness is so hard to understand...
As aspects of mental illness present themselves, each must be dealt with in a new way... Frustration rises in those around the person suffering when logic refuses to prevail... How do you convince someone that their thoughts are not the truth when they have decided that your words must only be an attack on their sensibility? How do you help someone feel better when there is a downside to every point of view no matter how promising any point of view might have been yesterday or even an hour ago? How do you control your own emotions and worry when it is viewed instead as governing and control, when every word you say or action you take is looked upon with suspicion? It is all so very exhausting...
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Food Dehydrator
I am thinking of building my own Food Dehydrator.
http://www.alpharubicon.com/prepinfo/dehydratorstryder.htm
Will hopefully help me prevent waste from not eating a whole bag of apples before they start to brown...
http://www.alpharubicon.com/prepinfo/dehydratorstryder.htm
Will hopefully help me prevent waste from not eating a whole bag of apples before they start to brown...
Another day...
Statistics was boring as all get out again today... People have told me Stats is a pita, but I guess numbers just work in my head, it's being too easy for me... He shows us the formula and then shows how to complete it and then encourages technological assistance and requires we use it on the tests... I am good enough with Excel for it to do all the work for me.
Andrew is just being Andrew lately, no real major ups or downs for him. We have an appointment with his service coordinator next week to work on respite care, Habilitation services and other stuff where he will be cared for and instructed simultaneously.
Emma is being Emma as well... she has been quite tired lately and that causes her to get frustrated more easily which in turn causes me to get more frustrated... We will get thru it I am quite sure, how though, I am not sure...
Laura is going to a Sarah McLaughlin concert tonight and she is really looking forward to it, I am so happy that she has got something worth being happy about, these things are rare of late...
Jake has decided that he can take advantage of our generosity and claim he knows more than he does. For example, he claims that last weekend was the last weekend of December, not the first weekend of January... Trying to explain to him that Friday is a weekday and Sat and Sun are the weekend does no good, he thinks because Custody goes from 5pm Friday to 5pm Sunday that Friday is the start of the weekend. So I let him know the only reason pickup is at 5pm is to avoid transferring kids at midnight and he still can't see it... Well, he is about to get a written smack-down and heavy dose of hardship reality. We were working with him to accommodate his schedule and requests; now he will have a printed list of dates which he will follow or end up in court... I sometimes wish "stoopid" people would realize their condition, but I guess that would make them smart, eh?
-Joe
Andrew is just being Andrew lately, no real major ups or downs for him. We have an appointment with his service coordinator next week to work on respite care, Habilitation services and other stuff where he will be cared for and instructed simultaneously.
Emma is being Emma as well... she has been quite tired lately and that causes her to get frustrated more easily which in turn causes me to get more frustrated... We will get thru it I am quite sure, how though, I am not sure...
Laura is going to a Sarah McLaughlin concert tonight and she is really looking forward to it, I am so happy that she has got something worth being happy about, these things are rare of late...
Jake has decided that he can take advantage of our generosity and claim he knows more than he does. For example, he claims that last weekend was the last weekend of December, not the first weekend of January... Trying to explain to him that Friday is a weekday and Sat and Sun are the weekend does no good, he thinks because Custody goes from 5pm Friday to 5pm Sunday that Friday is the start of the weekend. So I let him know the only reason pickup is at 5pm is to avoid transferring kids at midnight and he still can't see it... Well, he is about to get a written smack-down and heavy dose of hardship reality. We were working with him to accommodate his schedule and requests; now he will have a printed list of dates which he will follow or end up in court... I sometimes wish "stoopid" people would realize their condition, but I guess that would make them smart, eh?
-Joe
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Sense of Entitlement?
Where does it come from? Who instills a sense of entitlement into a person? Is it the parents? For people of my generation, I don't think so, they got it someplace else. I know there are exceptions to the rule, I am discounting those. I am speaking about the people who think they re entitled to anything and everything for no apparent reason. A parking spot for example.
I was driving down a lane and saw no open spots, so was about to continue into the next lane. I saw reverse lights come on for a car in the first spot past the handicapped spaces. So, I stopped put on my signal and waited. I was too close to the lane of cars, so I would have to swing out in the lane a little to turn into the spot safely but did not move to avoid confusing the driver of the car that was leaving. While the car was backing out, another car came into the lane and also put on a signal for the spot. I saw this, but I was in favor because the car leaving blocked the other person for a moment longer than I. As I swung out into the lane to make the turn safely, my signal shut off from turning the wheel the other direction, this is when the leaving car cleared a view for the newcomer. So, she waited for me to get out of the parked car and said, sarcastically, "Thanks for stealing my spot." I told her that I had been waiting for it before she was and she responded that she didn't see my signal. I apologized to her and went on my way as she shook her head in what appeared to be disgust...
She appeared to be a little younger than I was and had a child in the back seat. I was in a hurry and in a little pain because I chose to walk home from school yesterday and my knee was acting up. I thought I was lucky to be able to get a closer spot, but would not have complained if I had had to walk from farther out in the parking lot. In my perception, it seems this woman thought she had more right to the spot than me because I appeared to be a healthy person taking away a spot that she should have been entitled to because she had a child to carry with her (and was female?)... Maybe I read more into it than I should have, but I get the same feeling in numerous situations of similar circumstance.
I will usually try to leave "the easiest route or method" for others because I consider myself capable "to endure a hardship"... So, I guess it makes me feel worse when I do not try to do "the right thing" and get called out for it... I felt bad about it after the fact because I do not know her circumstances and maybe it would have been a great hardship for her to have to walk from a farther spot...
So, should I always try to cater to other peoples "entitlement" or take what I get when I can and feel bad about it later? I guess I will not change much and still take the harder road most of the time because it is not harder for me...
Have a nice day :)
-Joe
I was driving down a lane and saw no open spots, so was about to continue into the next lane. I saw reverse lights come on for a car in the first spot past the handicapped spaces. So, I stopped put on my signal and waited. I was too close to the lane of cars, so I would have to swing out in the lane a little to turn into the spot safely but did not move to avoid confusing the driver of the car that was leaving. While the car was backing out, another car came into the lane and also put on a signal for the spot. I saw this, but I was in favor because the car leaving blocked the other person for a moment longer than I. As I swung out into the lane to make the turn safely, my signal shut off from turning the wheel the other direction, this is when the leaving car cleared a view for the newcomer. So, she waited for me to get out of the parked car and said, sarcastically, "Thanks for stealing my spot." I told her that I had been waiting for it before she was and she responded that she didn't see my signal. I apologized to her and went on my way as she shook her head in what appeared to be disgust...
She appeared to be a little younger than I was and had a child in the back seat. I was in a hurry and in a little pain because I chose to walk home from school yesterday and my knee was acting up. I thought I was lucky to be able to get a closer spot, but would not have complained if I had had to walk from farther out in the parking lot. In my perception, it seems this woman thought she had more right to the spot than me because I appeared to be a healthy person taking away a spot that she should have been entitled to because she had a child to carry with her (and was female?)... Maybe I read more into it than I should have, but I get the same feeling in numerous situations of similar circumstance.
I will usually try to leave "the easiest route or method" for others because I consider myself capable "to endure a hardship"... So, I guess it makes me feel worse when I do not try to do "the right thing" and get called out for it... I felt bad about it after the fact because I do not know her circumstances and maybe it would have been a great hardship for her to have to walk from a farther spot...
So, should I always try to cater to other peoples "entitlement" or take what I get when I can and feel bad about it later? I guess I will not change much and still take the harder road most of the time because it is not harder for me...
Have a nice day :)
-Joe
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Did nagging chores yesterday...
our front storm door had no closer on it and the interior door did not latch tightly, consequently, the cat could let itself in... He would jump up and pull the knob on the storm door and it would just open itself and then he would head-butt the interior door until it popped open as well... he was pretty good at that, unfortunately, he was careless and always left the doors wide open... dang cat...
so, I installed a closer on the storm door, which was no easy feat because both the frame and the door were shredded from previous closer installations, got it on tho... I also installed a stop chain to hopefully prevent shredding of this installation... The door is too "heavy" for Emma now tho... :( will work on the closer pressure to see if I can balance it for Emma strength and the cats determination... I also jimmied the latch plate for the interior door so that it now latches tightly.
I added a piece of wood to a wiggly front step so it did not bounce every time it was stepped on...
I installed a digital thermostat to replace the old faulty mercury dial... before, we had it set at 74 to keep the house at 68, lots of wasted energy... the coil was weak and did not hold position causing the furnace to go on and off at very short intervals... The new digital one is set at 70 and the house is at 70, hmmm, nice... :)
so, I installed a closer on the storm door, which was no easy feat because both the frame and the door were shredded from previous closer installations, got it on tho... I also installed a stop chain to hopefully prevent shredding of this installation... The door is too "heavy" for Emma now tho... :( will work on the closer pressure to see if I can balance it for Emma strength and the cats determination... I also jimmied the latch plate for the interior door so that it now latches tightly.
I added a piece of wood to a wiggly front step so it did not bounce every time it was stepped on...
I installed a digital thermostat to replace the old faulty mercury dial... before, we had it set at 74 to keep the house at 68, lots of wasted energy... the coil was weak and did not hold position causing the furnace to go on and off at very short intervals... The new digital one is set at 70 and the house is at 70, hmmm, nice... :)
Monday, January 3, 2011
First Post...
I have decided to try this out as a sort of diary of the life I live and include the happenings in the lives of those close to me as well... so, a story about my family.
I would love for this page to always portray a beautiful picture of our lives, but that would be a false impression because life is not always rosy. I will, however, try to keep a skewed balance towards the positive.
It was an ok start to the first full week of the new year. Emma was very excited to return to school and Andrew enjoyed his day as well according to his notes. I started my second week of Statistics, pretty boring but I need the Math credit. Laura got back to an exercise routine since the kids and I were in school.
I swept the remains of the Fall Leaf pile from the front lawn yesterday. We got notice to put leaves out in November for sweeper/vacuum pickup. I got our leaves out on Nov. 6th and they sat there until Dec. 20th when a small backhoe came along and scraped most of the pile off the lawn taking the snow and some of the grass with it... ~shrug, I guess I am happy I did not have to pick up the whole myself... :)
I guess that's all for this first post, I will work on keeping up with it... :)
-Joe
I would love for this page to always portray a beautiful picture of our lives, but that would be a false impression because life is not always rosy. I will, however, try to keep a skewed balance towards the positive.
It was an ok start to the first full week of the new year. Emma was very excited to return to school and Andrew enjoyed his day as well according to his notes. I started my second week of Statistics, pretty boring but I need the Math credit. Laura got back to an exercise routine since the kids and I were in school.
I swept the remains of the Fall Leaf pile from the front lawn yesterday. We got notice to put leaves out in November for sweeper/vacuum pickup. I got our leaves out on Nov. 6th and they sat there until Dec. 20th when a small backhoe came along and scraped most of the pile off the lawn taking the snow and some of the grass with it... ~shrug, I guess I am happy I did not have to pick up the whole myself... :)
I guess that's all for this first post, I will work on keeping up with it... :)
-Joe
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