More than you can handle...

It has been said by Christians, "God won't give you more than you can handle."  It has been said by non-believers, "you will manage to get by with what you have got." What happens when a wrench gets thrown in to the mix?  For example, a child with Autism.  His biological mother can not handle him alone; he knows it and takes advantage of it.  His biological father does not want him, too many other more important things to deal with.  I admit I get frustrated by him, but I understand him and know that his needs are not able to be voiced by him, but there none-the-less.

I was speaking with my wife, who has problems of her own to deal with mentally, about how others can view my step-son and almost instantly realize he needs assistance but see her and not be able to understand that she also needs assistance.  She can function normally quite a bit of the time.  My step-son can not function normally, he can not choose to "be ok."  He can't just decide that today will be a better day in school, or if he can, he has no way to let us know he has made that decision.  When it is not a better day in school, he can not tell us what went wrong.

Forty-five days ago, my wife said she wants more stuff in the living room for my step-daughter to play with. So, I rearranged and attempted to make an orderly play space.  Yesterday she said there is just way too much stuff in here, we need to clean up.  Tonight when they got home from karate, my step-daughter asked if she could have a snack and if it could be ice cream.  I asked my wife if that was ok with her and was told yes.  I said I would get it in a minute because I was playing a game on the computer and wanted to finish the level.  I know it was just a game, but I only needed a little more time.  Thirty seconds later, my step-daughter asked again and I again said, in just a minute. Thirty more seconds later she went to my wife and whispered the request to her, so she asked me why I was not getting it yet.  I felt my blood start to boil and shouted that I only asked for another minute.  My wife will give her what she asks for when she asks for it almost every time and believes I should too because she is only five and wants her to have a better childhood.  If I disagree, then I am totally against her and if I try to offer an alternative then I am just trying to make her angry or trying to instigate an argument.

My wife was getting ready to go out and visit a friend, she did not want to go, but felt it was an obligation and told me she felt guilty about going.  I told her it was fine and she should go because she would feel guilty either way and she did not get to see this friend very often.  My step-daughter got her ice cream snack and after my wife was gone and my step-son was in bed, I built a blanket tent in the living room for her to color in.  I gave her a big flashlight and she was happy as a clam.  "I love you Joe," she says to me.  So, even tho I shouted just a little while earlier, she was able to forget it and be happy.  My wife thinks that the shouting will damage her for the rest of her life.

I love them all dearly and would not trade them in for anyone else. I do right by them and they do right by me, but I can not seem to give any of them enough to make them happy all the time or even a lot of the time.

I can not understand any of it, about any of them.  I don't know if this post is about my family, or myself.

-Joe